Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. - Psalm 119:105
Today I met a man named Joe. It was the first time I’ve gone and ministered under the bridge. Tommy and I grabbed some water bottles and started walking. Some people wanted water and some people shrugged us off. We came across these two older white men, Bobby and Joe. They took the water and we started talking with them. Tommy sat and talked with Bobby while I talked with Joe.
Joe is homeless by choice. He has been traveling from city to city via Greyhound bus for 15 years. He has a house on Lake Michigan that he gave to his daughter. He travels to a different city every few months. He receives a social security check every month and though it’s not much, it’s enough to get him a couple weeks in a motel. After that, he hits the streets.
Joe told me that when he came to New Orleans he bought a cup of coffee and was sitting on a corner in the French Quarter when Bobby walked by. Bobby told him he looked like a tourist. Joe laughed and they started walking. Bobby doesn’t want to be homeless. He became homeless by a series of bad mistakes. Joe sees this and wants to help Bobby get back on his feet. Everything he gets, whether it be a cup of coffee or a cigarette, he splits it in half with Bobby.
The whole time Joe’s talking, I get this overwhelming sense of joy just radiating from him. He gave up his material possessions, and his comfortable life, for a life of uncertainty. He doesn’t know what he’s going to eat tonight, let alone tomorrow. Joe told me that before he decided to travel around he worked for a telephone company. While he was working for them he was struck by lightning and was crippled in bed for two years. After he recovered he went back to work, but it just wasn’t doing it for him anymore. His wife divorced him and he set out on an adventure that has shaped his life even more. And he’s happy.
For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. - 2 Corinthians 4:6
Every city Joe goes to, he ends up coming across one hopeless soul that he just can’t let stay that way. He does his best to get these homeless men and women back on their feet and living semi comfortably. He is a believer and knows that God will always be with him, whether it be in a nice, comfortable house or under a damp bridge. Not many people would choose that lifestyle. Joe is all about the simple pleasures in life. According to him, there’s no reason not to be happy. He loves fishing and after he gets his social security check at the end of this month, he and Bobby are going to go down to the Bayou, set up a tent, buy a fishing pole, and live a relaxing life of fishing all day.
I feel like Joe is doing something similar to what we’re trying to do, but on a smaller scale. He is bringing hope to the hopeless and light into the darkness. His happiness and smile is contagious. Talking with Joe makes me feel like there is hope in New Orleans. There are people that want to be happy and are avidly seeking that happiness. I realize that Joe is only one man and the light he’s shining will only go so far into the darkness. But think about it- all it takes is one person to change the world. One person to light that spark in someone that motivates them. One person to pray with someone who’s desperately in need of the Lord. Joe may not be spreading the Gospel, but he is spreading the light. God’s light shines through Joe and you can see it. When you first see Joe, you think he’s down on his luck, but he’s not. He’s happy where he is. God placed him there for a reason and he knows that.
He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains. - Psalm 107:14
Today was my first day on project and I’m already seeing the Lord work through the people around me. I’ve been here a couple of days already and I keep getting this overwhelming feeling that this week is about bringing light to the darkness. Talking with Joe just confirmed that. This trip will bring amazing things…I can feel it.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness does not overcome it. - John 1:5
The last few weeks I’ve been struggling with acceptance, confidence, depression, and anger. I’m questioning the place I’m at in my life and I’m unsure if I’m heading in the right direction. This isn’t the first time I’ve questioned which road I’m traveling down. I’ve been struggling with finding the right path for a long time. I’m not sure what I want to do with my life and it’s frustrating. I’m going to tackle these things one at a time.
The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer. All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish; they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame –Psalm 6:9-10
Acceptance: what does that mean to you? For a while I thought it meant that I needed to be accepted into the “inner circle” to feel appreciated/loved/wanted. I don’t feel like that at AIM. I’ve felt accepted from day one. I know a lot of the girls I coach in high school struggle with acceptance from their peers. I know I did in school and I still do when it comes to school. I don’t need acceptance from other people to make me feel worthy. I am worthy. The Lord accepts me no matter my faults and no matter my sins. His is the only acceptance I need. However, it is difficult to walk that way. That’s where confidence comes in.
Confidence: I’ve always struggled with my confidence. I doubt myself a lot and it drives me crazy. How can I walk confidently in the Holy Spirit when I can’t walk confidently in who I am? I’m still discovering who I am and I think I will be for a while. For some reason, I don’t have the confidence to go forward with what I want to do. I don’t know if it’s the fear of failing or the fear of success. One of my friends said, “The life of a Christian is not easy…it’s not the most taken path.” She makes a good point. It’s so easy to walk down the wrong path and have things handed to you, not really work hard, and be “happy.” Well, I’m not ok with that. I would rather take the path less traveled, filled with potholes and obstacles, where I have to struggle to stay on my feet…just for the glory that is at the end of that road. Of course there are going to be times where I fall and have to start from the beginning, but I am confident in myself enough to know that I can make it successfully down that path.
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. – 1 Peter 1:6-9
Depression: I was flipping through my bible a couple minutes ago trying to find a verse that would correlate with depression and came across the above passage. That puts my feelings about depression into perspective. Yeah, I’ve struggled with depression for a long time, but I know I won’t always have to deal with it. The Lord has been testing my faith in Him for years. Years. The second part of that passage really hits me. I have no doubt in my mind that God has my back. My best days recently have been when I come to work and hear stories about the way the Lord is moving in the world. We have an amazing God and He likes to reveal himself to us at our lowest times. Weird things happen on the days I’m really bummed. Like I’ll get a response to my blog and make a new friend or I’ll have a long talk about the Lord with someone who is questioning Him and seeking Him. All of these things just confirm my beliefs.
Anger: My depression sometimes leads to anger. Anger that I was hurt by someone I trusted, that I still think about all of the negative things that happened, that this keeps coming back and bothering me. It usually hits me when I least expect it, when my guard is down. The devil knows how the little things that will make me depressed and angry. I know I have to rebuke those thoughts. It’s difficult when you’re that low to try and think positively. I’ve gotten better at it, but I still need someone to remind me to take it all to the Lord. He’s the only one that can fix the brokenness that’s within me. I have to give the problem to Him and not worry about it anymore. That’s the hardest part. He wants me to seek His comfort and He wants to talk to me…I just have to listen.
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety. – Psalm 4:8
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. –Song of Songs 8:6
I’ve been thinking a lot about death over the last month and a half. A close family friend, Tommy, unexpectedly passed away the beginning of May and I’ve been watching how his death has affected my family. I’ve dealt with a close family member’s death before, but not one like this. To lose someone who was so full of life, so full of joy, and so young is difficult to understand. I know I don’t understand why he was taken so soon. And you know, maybe it’s not a matter of understanding. The Lord does things all the time that we struggle to comprehend.
I see the effects Tommy’s death has on my family and it breaks my heart. I’m handling it all right, but I don’t think we will ever get over this. He was such a good person…so loving, so carefree, a great husband, role model, and father to his kids. And he was my father’s best friend. Throughout my entire life I’ve witnessed the amazing friendship that my father has with all of his friends from college. I believe that such a strong friendship like theirs cannot be easily broken. Death has no hold over my father’s friendship with Tommy. Their friendship has lasted 30+ years, and there’s no way that death is going to put a stop to that. I believe, I know, that love is stronger than death.
What am I supposed to say to Tommy’s family? They’ve always been apart of my life and right now I’m just at a loss. My heart has been broken and put back together so many times in the last month because of this death. If I can’t give myself comforting words, how am I supposed to comfort Tommy’s family? I don’t know what it’s like to lose a father/husband/best friend. I can only imagine that it’s awful. I guess the only thing I can do is tell them that I’m thinking about them, and I do think about them. Every day.
There’s so much suffering in this world and people die every day, so why is this death so hard to understand? I think it’s one of those things where you never expect to lose someone so unexpectedly and when it happens, everyone is floored. There was no time to prepare. No time to get goodbyes in order. There are some people that you never expect to lose. Tommy was a staple in my book of life. He was always going to be there unless the page got ripped out or if someone used one of those staple removers. I guess that’s what happened. His page is still there and his family’s staples are there, but his is gone. It's heartbreaking to think about it.
Maybe the Lord is using Tommy’s death as a way to bring all of us closer together. My family, Tommy’s family, and about three or four other families of my father’s friends from college get together every fall and tailgate before Auburn games. There was a consensus after last year’s perfect season that we would continue the tailgate tradition, but at one of the houses, not at our typical tailgate spot. Since Tommy’s passing we have decided to hold the tailgate at the place we’ve been tailgating for the last 20+ years. It’s going to be different, but I know that Tommy will be there. He’s going to have a hand in everything we all do from now on.
It’s sad and it’s hard. It’s going to be tough, but we have each other and God is always there guiding us and pushing us forward.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” –John 16:33
Lord, I lift up Tommy’s family, my family, and everyone else affected by Tommy’s death. Let your love come like a raging river and wash away the sadness, heartache, anger, depression…everything. Let it wash away everything that’s plaguing the people I love. I pray that they will lean into you and that you’ll love on them a little bit, God. Spread that joy and love through them. Bring understanding and healing to Tommy’s family and walk with them every step of the way, God. Like one of JD Helser’s songs says, “I believe the hills are full of a mighty angel army.”…put that army around their house and let those angels walk instep with them as they go throughout the day, pick them up when they fall, and encourage them to keep moving forward. Lord, I know you don’t give us anything we can’t handle, but this is really difficult, and we can’t get past this sadness without you. Bring us strength and understanding, courage when it feels like we can’t take anymore, and comfort when it just becomes too much. I pray that your love will radiate throughout this family and they will finally be at peace. In Jesus name, Amen.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us. –Romans 8:18
